I never seriously considered ending my own life, but in my Junior year of high school, I felt very empty and began searching for something that would save me from my emotions. I began seeing life as an empty void, and felt unlovable and alone.
I think this happened for these reasons.
1. I changed high schools, and found myself searching for new friends as well as struggling in my classes.
2. I was growing up, and becoming emotionally mature.
3. (most important) I was searching for truth and for God.
Eventually, I understood that pain is characteristic of almost all of humanity. Not just to those who are physically suffering. I understood that life is almost entirely composed of pain and discouragement.
I found myself reading the book of Psalms. I learned that life is not a happy event. Life is continuous pain, rejection, worry, fear, and loneliness. I also learned that God saves us from such feelings. He saves us by introducing purpose, guidance, and hope in our lives.
"In my anguish, I cried out to the Lord and he set me free" (Pslam 118:5)
This quote brings tears to my eyes, because I feel that it is true for me.
Some quotes that I love too:
"He [God] does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities" (Psalm 103:10)
"Save me, O Lord, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters, the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help, my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God" (Psalm 69:1-4)
"I said to the Lord, you are my Lord, apart from you I have no good thing […]I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. […] Because you [God] will not abandon me to the grave" (Psalm 16)
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God." (Psalm 43:5)
The Psalms of the Bible reflect human pain. They are there to provide us comfort and guidance as well as praise to God. It is relatable to every man and woman.
I am Christian. I believe that God created us in 7 literal days. I believe that God sent Jesus Christ to die for us on the cross so that our sins will be forgiven.
God has changed my life. I was born to a nonreligious, nonpracticing Jewish family. I went to Jewish Day School as a child, but that was about as Jewish as I was.
In the end of Junior High, my mom and I started reading about different religions such as Buddhism and Hinduism. We would listen to tapes in the car about the different faiths. My mom and I got pretty into different ideas such as spirit guides and past lives.
However, these things did not hold the meaning and truth I was looking for. If we had past lives that we were meant to learn from, then why haven’t we learned from them? If there was a spirit guide who was meant to help me, then why wasn’t I getting any guidance?
At one point, my mom read in a book that Krishna was the equivalent of Christ. If we were going to read books like the Bhagavad Gita and Dalai Lama texts, why not read the Bible?
And so, we read the Gospel of Jesus together. And suddenly, things made sense. Our purpose on earth is to come close to God, to follow God, to teach about God. and to love God.
I remember lying in bed thinking, wow a Jew becoming a Christian.
Although I wasn’t religious, giving up Judaism was very hard. We began going to an Orthodox synagogue to learn more about the religion before fully considering ourselves Christian. I found that Jewish culture is beautiful, but it simply wasn’t what I believed. I enjoyed eating Sabbath dinners and singing in the synagogue and befriending kids my age. However, I also knew that we were on different terms about what we considered spiritual truth.
For me, Jesus is the truth, and His death for my sins means everything to me. I believe in the New Testament, and I believe the countless prophesies in the Old Testament (Jewish Tenach -which includes- the Torah) that point towards the first coming of Christ as well as the End of Times that we are in now.
At the same time, my mom began reading Ellen G. White’s commentaries the Bible. In case you do not know, Ellen G White was a Seventh Day Adventist woman who wrote commentaries on the Bible and is considered to be a prophetess by many Adventists. I consider her a prophetess too, because from what I have read by her, I do not see anything that points out otherwise. However I feel that I need to read more of her writing.
So soon, we felt that it was time to leave the Synagogue and go to Church.
Before then, I never thought much about attending Church on Sunday. I thought that it was what Christians did, and a defining characteristic. However, upon learning more about Seventh Day Adventists, we understood that God commanded us to keep the Sabbath (4th Commandment). God rested on the 7th day of the week after creation. The New Testament even encourages Sabbath keeping. So why were the majority of Christians keeping Sabbath on Sunday?
We decided to attend a Seventh Day Adventist Church, which I currently attend now. I am now no longer uncomfortable about having left Judaism, where my family history is from. I am happy that God died for me, and take joy in the Lord who wants me and loves me, and is helping me become a better person every day.
I don’t think anyone should do drugs or alcohol of any sort. However, it is a personal decision, and in this post I will attempt to explain why I do not believe in taking any drugs or alcohol.
I believe that even if you have a little bit of wine or beer, your personality changes. You become a version of yourself with that much less self control. I have spent time at various dinner parties and social gatherings where people would drink responsibly, and even the little amount they drank amounted to a personality change. I want to be in full control over myself at all times. I do not want to feel dependent on alcohol to make a party/date/evening funner, I want to enjoy every second of it with a clear free mind.
I believe that the main reason people take drugs is because they are curious for an new experience. Many drugs are deemed less harmful than they are, and are also labeled as “eye opening”. However, these drugs limit your abilities to think and act. Hallucinations do not enhance your point of view, they blur it.
Why should we need alcohol or pot to feel relaxed? Why should we need a drug to free our mind? Is life truly worth living if you need substances to bring you to the mental state that you wish to be at? We should strive to be brave, free-thinking, and happy whenever we can.
I believe that only God can bring us true peace, true freedom, and true courage. With God, I am at peace because I know that I can trust Him, and that he is guiding me through my worries. God gives me freedom because I am free from my sins because Christ died for me, I am free thinking, because I can trust God to lead me to the Truth. God gives me courage to go through every day, even when times are rough.
God has given me more peace and freedom than any substance could, and I believe that He helps us to truly enjoy our time here on earth.
Where I’d like to be in ten years.
I will be 26 years old.
I want to be a nurse practitioner by then, either in neonatal, public health, ICU, or geriatrics.
I want my own home/apartment
I want to be in a long term relationship or married.
I don’t want kids at that time.
I want to have travelled.
I want to have done missionary work.
I want to be close to God, and have developed a stronger relationship with Him. I want to serve Him through the next ten years, and through life.
This is day one of the 30 day challenge (See previous post).
I am single. I have been single for practically all my life (not counting the time in preschool when I was engaged haha. Cute times). Guys like me, and there are guys that I like, but I never actually had the opportunity pop up for someone to be my boyfriend. Although I am in no hurry, I would like to meet a boyfriend at some point in my college career (I am a freshman btw). I am a serious girl, and want a guy who is looking for more than a hook up.
In high school, I was really worried about not having had a boyfriend before. But now I realize that it really wasn’t that big of a deal. I have currently met several girls who have never dated before, and are pretty and emotionally stable. I am a lot more comfortable with myself, and the self-consciousness I carried in high school is fading away.
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is. Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years. Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol. Day 04 - Your views on religion. Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life. Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself. Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality. Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life. Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like. Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss. Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up. Day 12 - Bullet your whole day. Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit. Day 14 - Your earliest memory. Day 15 - Your favorite tumblrs. Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music. Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year. Day 18 - Your beliefs. Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents. Day 20 - How important you think education is. Day 21 - One of your favorite shows. Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years? Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive. Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about. Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why. Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you. Day 27 - A problem that you have had. Day 28 - Something that you miss. Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days. Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.